Having a partner usually makes our lives easier and better because we have someone to lean on in times of need. However, it is very different with people in an abusive relationship. Abusive relationships can do negative wonders to you physically, emotionally, mentally and even socially. It affects all of the person’s facets of life. Now, we might wonder as to why that certain person can’t just leave? If your partner abuses you, then pack your bags and walk out the door. Plain and simple. But is it that really simple on the part of the one being abused? No.
People who are being abused tend to stay in the relationship because part of them still believes that their partner can change and they stay out of love. Although some people may no longer love their partner and they badly wanted to leave, but could not out of fear. Some may think that abusive behavior is normal, hence, they stay. While some may have developed a low self-esteem and thinks that they could not survive without their partners no matter how abusive they can be. There are a lot of reasons as to why they can’t leave but regardless of what these reasons are, what we need to do is to help them and make them realize that they should quit the relationship.
We may be the third party here and they may say that it’s not our business to get nosy over their relationship. However, how to get out of an abusive relationship requires our help. Our abused friends or family may be in trauma and they need someone to listen to them and understand what they are going through. Most often though, these abusive acts are kept secret from us because of fear or embarrassment and we may not have any slightest idea that an abuse is already going on.
How To Leave An Abusive Relationship?
We can talk with the different signs that one can see and observe in an abusive relationship. To make this easier, I will classify these signs into two. The first one is for the abused to know that his/her partner is already an abuser and the second one is for us, third parties, to know that our friend or family member is being abused.
1. Self-Assessment
You will know if you are in an abusive relationship if you experience these things. Your partner…
- …is being irrational and too jealous that you can’t even spend time with your friends.
- …makes you feel worthless and constantly humiliates you even in front of other people.
- …physically harms you like slapping, shaking, punching, pushing and grabbing among many other means of physical harm.
- …controlling everything about you from the people you talk to and even to the clothes you wear.
- …insists on knowing your whereabouts all the time.
- …makes you feel that you are to blame even if it is his/her mistake.
- …makes threats to harm you or harm himself if you leave the relationship.
2. Third-Party Observation
If you can see and observe these things on your friend or family, it might be an indication that particular person is in an abusive relationship.
- Self-isolation and withdrawal from social life even with close friends and family members.
- They may have bruises, broken bones or other injuries with the common excuse of being in an “accident”.
- Suffer from depression, anxiety and even have suicidal thoughts. These people may also have low self-esteem even if they were very confident before.
- They are easily guilty or easily embarrassed for no reason at all.
- Seldom do they go out in public places and attend events without being accompanied by their partners.
If you can see these signs of an abusive relationship in yourself or in your friends and families, then, seek help immediately. I understand that it is very hard for anyone to get out of this kind of relationship as it is easier said than done. But with the right amount of time and constant support from people who are willing to help, anyone can get away with it.
3. Self-Determination
How to leave an abusive relationship requires careful planning and self-determination for the part of the abused. As a supporter, we must encouraged positive support towards our friend. Once an abusive relationship is determined, here are the ways that we can do to help the persons involved.
- Make sure that the abused person is safe. If you are the abused person, you may want to go to a family or a friend’s house for shelter and make sure that your partner will not be able to come near you as he may physically hurt you again or emotionally black-mail you into coming back. Be firm of your decision to leave. If you are the third-party, make her feel safe and secured. Talk to her from time to time as she may isolate herself again.
- Seek/offer professional counseling. This will help the abused person vent out her fears and worries regarding the situation. Opening up will help lighten her feelings and will sort most of the issues that she have to deal with during the relationship.
- New hobbies or recreation. An abused person should not dwell on the past as this will only make her feel bad. Instead, her energy should focus on other brighter things that she will enjoy and keep her mind pre-occupied.
- Positive thinking. An abused person still have guilt, feeling of embarrassment or shame that prevents her from living a new life ahead. Let her erase all negative thoughts because this will just hinder her from making a good future ahead.
- Self-education. Let her read books about relationships whether a healthy or an unhealthy one. This will make her understand what she went through as well as teach her lessons about relationships that she can use in building and developing new ones.
- Great support system. This is the most important aspect of the entire recovery for an abused person in an abusive relationship. Having a great support system from friends and families alike will make the entire recovery journey bearable and easy.
I believe that all relationships should be considered important and founded in love. But sometimes, no matter how much we love the person and no matter how we try to keep the relationship going, we must still know the limits and boundaries. We must learn when to stop and say no if what is happening is already hurting us. Everyone deserves a great relationship. Your friends deserve it. You deserve it too.